Our Fight, Too: Testimonials About How Hetersexual People Are Affected by Anti-LGBT Bias

Introduction

When one thinks about anti-lesbian, -gay, -bisexual, and -transgender (-LGBT) bias, one usually thinks about how it affects LGBT people. And often those who are fighting anti-LGBT discrimination and harassment are automatically assumed lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender themselves. GLSEN thinks this is an insult to heterosexuals.

The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network has long recognized that an interest in justice is not predicated upon a same-sex orientation, and we have understood that many non-LGBT people interested in social justice would want to be involved in the fight against anti-LGBT bias. People come to this fight for different reasons, but heterosexuals often realize that they, too, are suffering in a society that promotes rigid notions of gender and sexuality and that they need to take action. We're proud to be an LGBT rights organization that views the fight against anti-LGBT sentiment and hate-motivated violence as a common endeavor of both gay and straight people.

In this publication, you'll hear several people speak on this issue, including: author Warren Blumenfeld (Looking at Gay and Lesbian Life), who offers theoretical look at these issues, showing the ways in which heterosexual people's lives are impacted and limited by homophobia; GLSEN National Board member Joan Countryman, Head of the Lincoln School in Providence Rhode Island, who shares how her own commitment to this fight grew from her experiences as a young African-American student in an all-white school; and GLSEN/Boston Board member Jean Pendelton, who speaks from the heart in a moving sermon at her church. Each brings a unique and valuable perceptive to this subject. We hope that they will help you find your own voice, and give you something with which can can educate a friend.

Kevin Jennings, GLSEN Executive Director

How Homophobia Hurts Everyone: A Theoretical Foundation

by Warren J. Blumenfeld

In this season of increased public criticism of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people by political and "religious" conservatives, I cannot help thinking about something Frederick Douglass, the escaped slave and abolitionist, once said when he described the dehumanizing effects of slavery not on slaves alone, but also on white slave owners, whose position to slavery corrupted their humanity. While the social conditions of the 19th century were very different from today, nonetheless, I believe Douglass's words hold meaning by analogy: "No [person] can put a chain about the ankle of [another person] without at last finding the other end fastened about [his or her] own neck."

Though it cannot be denied that the scapegoating of LGBT people by conservatives serves their POLITICAL interests in a number of ways, eventually this strategy will backfire and the chain will take hold of them. In truth, homophobia (prejudice and discrimination against LGBT people) is pervasive throughout the society and each of us, irrespective of sexual identity, is at risk of its harmful effects. First, homophobic conditioning compromises the integrity of people by pressuring them to treat others badly, which are actions contrary to their basic humanity. It inhibits one's ability to form close, intimate relationships with members of one's own sex, generally restricts communication with a significant portion of the population and, more specifically, limits family relationships.

Homophobia locks all people into rigid gender-based roles, which inhibit creativity and self expression. It often is used to stigmatize, silence, and, on occasion, target people who are perceived or defined by OTHERS as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but who are, in actuality, heterosexual. In addition, homophobia is one cause of premature sexual involvement, which increases the chances of teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Young people, of ALL sexual identities, are often pressured to become HETEROSEXUALLY active to prove to themselves and others that they are "normal."

Societal homophobia prevents some LGBT people from developing an authentic self identity, and adds to the pressure to marry, which in turn places undue stress and oftentimes trauma on themselves as well as their heterosexual spouses and their children.

Homophobia combined with sexphobia (fear and revulsion of sex) results in the elimination of discussions of the lives and sexuality of LGBT people as part of school-based sex education, keeping vital information from all students. Such a lack of information can kill people in the age of AIDS. And homophobia (along with racism, sexism, classism, sexphobia) inhibits a unified and effective governmental and societal response to the AIDS pandemic. With all of the truly important issues facing the world, homophobia diverts energy from more constructive endeavors. It also prevents heterosexuals from accepting the benefits and gifts offered by LGBT people: theoretical insights, social and spiritual visions and options, contributions in the arts and culture, to religion, to family life, indeed, to all facets of society. Ultimately, it inhibits appreciation of other types of diversity, making it unsafe for everyone because each person has unique traits not considered mainstream or dominant. Therefore, we are ALL diminished when any one of us is demeaned.

The meaning is quite clear. When any group of people is scapegoated, it is ultimately everyone's concern. For today, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people are targeted. Tomorrow, they may come for you. Everyone, therefore, has a self interest in actively working to dismantle all the many forms of bigotry, including homophobia.

I believe that we are ALL born into an environment polluted by homophobia (one among many forms of oppression) which falls upon us like acid rain. For some people, spirits are tarnished to the core, others are marred on the surface, and no one is completely protected. Therefore, we all have a responsibility, indeed an opportunity, to join together as allies to construct protective shelters from the corrosive effects of bigotry while working to clean up the homophobic environment in which we live. Once sufficient steps are taken to reduce this pollution, we will all breathe a lot easier.

A Letter from Joan Countryman

Head of the Lincoln School, Providence, Rhode Island

The independent school that accepted me as a third grade student lost one or two families from that class, and some teachers and alumni were uncomfortable with the school's decision to admit another student of African descent. The headmaster, however, made his position clear. Writing this almost fifty years later, I realize that the head of the school must have gone out of his way to make me feel welcome in the school. Most eight year olds did not know who the headmaster was, but I knew where his office was and I called him by name. Now, as the head of a school, I think about creating and maintaining an environment that strives to help all students feel safe and strong. Race and sexual orientation present similar and different challenges to school leaders, but I see homophobia as the significant problem of our time. Schools that in 1995 think nothing of investing hundreds of thousands of dollars into recruiting students of color would never have admitted me in 1948. Now in those same schools, however, we struggle to respond thoughtfully to the demands for acceptance and tolerance of gay and lesbian students, teachers, and parents. The difference between racial prejudice and homophobia is, of course, that students of color had to be introduced into the schools, whereas gay people were always there, hidden but present in every community. Most gay young people grow up in a toxic culture where social forces preclude healthy growth. The standard is heterosexual, and any other measure is deviant. Imagine being totally unable to meet the expectations of your family and friends to achieve the good life promoted in high school: parties, dating, dances, love, marriage, children, success... When I think about the ways Burton helped me feel safe and supported as a child at Germantown Friends School in the 1940's, I see his example A guide for me as I strive to attend to this unfinished business of the civil rights movement. Sexual orientation is an emotional issue in our culture, but so is race, and the last fifty years remind us that we can bring about change if we stand up for what we believe.

Out of the Highest Regard for Love

by Jean Pendleton

A sermon for the Welcoming Congregation Committee of the First Parish Unitarian-Universalist Church, Sudbury, Mass., April 23, 1995

Three weeks ago, I was "outed." It happened at Milton Academy, in an auditorium full of people - mostly gays and lesbians - at a conference of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). The executive director of GLSEN, Kevin Jennings, was publicly thanking some of the organization's volunteers, and when he got to me, he announced me as: "Jean Pendleton - the woman who puts the 'S' in GLSEN." Everybody laughed. It was funny for a heterosexual to be identified by her sexual orientation. Or was it? Let me back up. Growing up, I was not aware of homosexuality as an issue. It wasn't something that was talked about at school or at home. I didn't know any openly gay people. In high school, my choral conductor was gay, but his sexual orientation was invisible. People talked behind his back because he was an African American teaching at a predominately white boarding school, not because he was gay. I didn't see him as black or gay - I saw him as Ray Harvey, the man who inspired me to begin to find my voice. When I got to college, my love for singing was in full bloom, and while I was there, it was nurtured by a man named Bill Ermey. In 1977, when I started college, Bill was married with two kids. In 1981, when I graduated, Bill had come to terms with his sexual orientation and was divorced and living with a male companion. Bill's sexuality was very much a topic of discussion during his "transition" phase. I never really understood what the fuss was about - I just saw a man. And I loved this man. I loved his musicality and the way he worked with his students. I loved him for introducing me to a vast spectrum of music. I loved him for the opportunities he gave me and the confidence he showed in me when I didn't have confidence in myself. He was a true teacher. In 1992, Bill died of AIDS. These are the things I think of when I remember him: an intensely talented musician, a gifted teacher, a friend, and in the end, a very sick man. His sexual orientation was only an issue in that it had the misfortune to be associated with a deadly disease. Not once in the fifteen years that I knew Bill Ermey did his sexual orientation in any way influence what I felt about him - or what I learned from him. While Bill and Ray's sexual orientation may not have been an issue, this is not to say that I was not homophobic. I was. When I looked at homosexuality in general, I was afraid and ignorant. The Welcoming Congregation workshop series at First Parish made me determined to work through this homophobia. It wasn't an easy process. I had to confront my own fears and misconceptions, I had to admit things about myself that I wasn't proud of. But I never doubted that what I was doing was worthwhile. As the workshop series progressed and the trust between the members of the group deepened, I heard stories that horrified me. Stories that garnered national attention - gay bashings, children being taken away from gay parents, gays in the military. But I also heard stories from individuals in the group. The one that struck me the hardest was the story Bev and Donna told of what they went through to adopt James. This story made me realize how privileged I am in this society - simply because I am a heterosexual. I realized how much easier it would be for me to adopt a child with a man than it was for Bev and Donna, regardless of what type of parents he and I would be. This privilege is nothing I have earned or even deserve, but it carries with it a power - a power to influence, to be heard, to make change. The sad and simple fact is that in today's society, there are people who will listen to me, a heterosexual, before they will listen to a gay or lesbian person. There are people who will trust me, who will respect me, and who will give me opportunities that they wouldn't extend to a homosexual. This is insane. But insanity aside, I felt it was my responsibility to use this unearned privilege in a positive way. And that's how I got here. And that's why now, I do everything I can to fight homophobia. It's why I'm on the GLSEN/Boston Board. It's why I work with the Welcoming Congregation Committee. It's why I stand up here and sing messages to you. It's why I stop homophobic comments and jokes whenever I hear them. This is why I do this: It is out of love and respect for people like Bill Ermey and Ray Harvey. And for people like Donna and Bev who have to lie about who they are in order to bring a child into their lives. It is about a deep seated admiration for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals who are out in a society that often tells them they are of no value and that defines them by a single facet of their multi-faceted selves. When I was "outed" a few weeks ago, it was awful. I didn't want to be identified as, first and foremost, a heterosexual. Who cares that I happen to be attracted to men? What does that have to do with what kind of a person I am or what I contribute to this world? I'd be willing to wager that for most of you who are heterosexual, if you were asked to write a list of adjectives that describe yourself, "heterosexual" would not be near the top, if it were on the list at all. Why is it then that we identify homosexuals first and foremost by their sexual orientation? Finally, I work for LGBT rights out of the highest regard for love. That's what all this is about. It's about love and who you choose to love. What person alive on this earth today can look me in the eye and say we don't need more love in this world? We need all the love we can get and whatever form it takes, we should celebrate it, rejoice in it, and support it.