In the summer of 1988, my friend Chris Dunston, who was then the dean of students at Moses Brown School in Providence (where I had taught 1985-87) called and asked me to write about my experiences as an openly gay teacher for a special issue of Independent School that he'd been asked to edit. At age twenty-four, I was surprised to be offered such an opportunity, and I quickly replied, "Sure, Chris, but one question first: why me? I'm nobody."
"Well," Chris replied, "you're the only one I can find."
Times have changed.
Ten years later, the idea of addressing anti-gay bias in independent schools -- nearly unthinkable when Chris called that day in 1988 -- is part of the "good practice" of being an independent school. While progress is hardly uniform or universal, we inhabit a very different world today in independent schools. Consider the following changes. Student-led Gay-Straight Alliances, first begun at Concord Academy and Phillips Academy (both in Massachusetts) in 1989, are now staples of extracurricular offerings in many schools. Dozens of schools have incorporated sexual orientation into their non-discrimination policies and regularly offer training on lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) issues to staff. Even the glass ceiling is starting to shatter; in the past year, at least two independent schools have hired openly gay candidates to be head of the school.
Why the change? Some is understandably due to progress in society at large, as anti-gay discrimination is now regularly decried by political leaders from the president on down, as television features sitcoms with openly lesbian and gay people in lead roles, and as the media has begun to offer more extensive and truthful reporting on LGBT people than ever before. But some is also due to a growing realization among educators of a basic truth: anti-gay bigotry is bad for our students. Consider the following statistics compiled by the Massachusetts and Vermont departments of education that demonstrate the toll bigotry takes on LGBT students:
- Vermont LGBT students were three times more likely to skip school at least once monthly because they were afraid to go there than were their non-LGBT peers (18 percent LGBT vs. 6 percent non-LGBT) while Massachusetts LGBT students were over five times more likely to do so (22.2 percent LGBT vs. 4.2 percent non-LGBT).
- Massachusetts LGBT students were 2.5 times more likely to become pregnant or to get someone pregnant as non-LGBT students (36.9 percent LGBT as opposed to 14.5 percent non-LGBT).
- Both Vermont and Massachusetts LGBT students were over four times more likely to be threatened or injured with a weapon than their non-LGBT peers (34 percent LGBT vs. 8 percent non-LGBT in Vermont, 31.2 percent LGBT vs. 6.9 percent non-LGBT in Massachusetts).
- Massachusetts LGBT students are four times as likely to attempt suicide as their non-LGBT peers (36.5 percent LGBT vs. 8.9 percent non-LGBT).
As educators are increasingly aware of LGBT students and the harm done to them by bigotry, more and more have decided to take action. Following my 1988 Independent School article, I was deluged with calls and letters from colleagues at other schools who wanted to take action but didn't know where to start. Along with the visionary educators Dick Barbieri, then executive director of the Independent School Association of Massachusetts (ISAM) and Kathy Henderson, a lesbian teacher at Andover, I founded a professional development commission in 1990 to meet this need. It was called the Gay and Lesbian Independent School Teachers Network. Our rapid growth and the changing demographics of our membership caused us to become an independent national group in 1994. Under the able leadership of board president Charley Todd (head of the Watkinson School in Hartford, Connecticut), the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is today an organization of more than 10,000 members who are LGBT and non-LGBT teachers, students, parents, and concerned citizens working to address anti-gay bigotry in independent, public, and parochial K-12 schools through a network of ninety chapters found in thirty-five states. Just look at what one little article in Independent School can start!
But not all is well in independent school land. Too many schools have not yet begun to address anti-gay bigotry, and even at the schools where work has been undertaken there still remains a great distance to travel before a truly inclusive environment for LGBT people can be said to exist. I call the former schools "Stage One" institutions (characterized by a relative absence of work on this issue) and the latter "Stage Two" institutions (ones where some basic steps have been taken -- see sidebar p. 58). But before the Stage One schools feel somehow "lesser" than those at Stage Two, let's take a look at what research at some Stage Two institutions can reveal about the persistence of anti-gay bigotry.
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The Climate Today: Some Basic Observations
The watchword of independent schools is "independent." Given this, I'm always cautious to make generalizations about the climate in independent schools. However, recent research done by GLSEN does give some important insights into anti-gay bias in schools.
To better understand the schools we are working with, GLSEN now administers a comprehensive climate survey to all students and staff of any school with which it is working to better understand the ways in which anti-gay bias manifests itself in that particular setting. Remarkably, for all of their "independence," independent schools present a fairly uniform profile when survey results are compiled. The data below, from surveys administered this fall, are from two very different schools -- one a 7-12 New York City independent day school known nationally as a progressive institution, the other from a Connecticut school founded in colonial times and known for its traditions. Both schools are stage two with non-discrimination policies, staff training, and Gay-Straight Alliances already in place. Here's what GLSEN learned.
Anti-gay bias is pervasive.
In Connecticut 69 percent of students surveyed said they heard homophobic comments like "faggot" and "dyke" "sometimes" or "often" -- the exact same percentage as in New York.
You're never too young to learn to be a bigot.
In New York 81 percent of seventh graders said they heard anti-gay comments "sometimes" or "often," while Connecticut eighth graders reported a rate of 79 percent. The fact that this commentary is so common among seventh and eighth graders is especially ironic since so many opponents of addressing anti-gay bias use the "they're too young" argument as the centerpiece of their objection. Well, if they're old enough to see and hear anti-gay bigotry, they're old enough to be taught that it is wrong to discriminate.
Boys are the problem.
While a bit incendiary, this claim is based on a simple statistical fact: boys report hearing more anti-gay commentary than do girls, and they hear it more often in sex-segregated settings. In Connecticut, for example, boys reported hearing anti-gay comments "often" or "sometimes" 75 percent of the time, whereas the rate among girls was 51 percent. Where they hear it is different as well: whereas hallways were the most common site of girls hearing anti-gay commentaries (43 percent in both Connecticut and New York City), the number one site for boys were bath or locker rooms (32 percent in Connecticut and 27 percent in New York). Boys were also twice as likely to hear such comments in athletic settings such as playing fields or gyms (14 percent, as opposed to 7 percent for girls), making those the third most common site for boys (after bath/locker rooms and hallways): for girls athletic settings came in last or next to last, tying with classrooms and buses in Connecticut, finishing ahead of classes but behind buses in New York. Given the close relationship between sexism and homophobia, these statistics are unsurprising: verbal and physical gay-bashing is a time honored way of "proving your manhood" in America, and boys concerned about their masculinity during the anxiety-provoking years of adolescence often reassure themselves and their peers by uttering the word "faggot."
Unstructured settings provide the place for bigotry to "come out."
As explained above, classes consistently rank at the bottom of surveys measuring the frequency and location of homophobic commentary. One possible explanation is that, in "student-owned" spaces like hallways, young people are more likely to say what they really feel. Another is that the tighter structure of classrooms leaves fewer opportunities for expressions of bigotry. A final one (and one we'd all like to believe is true) is that teachers show leadership in the fight against bigotry. But I'd caution against such a final conclusion because statistics show...
Students are the most frequent intervenors against anti-gay bias.
Sadly, anti-gay bias too often goes unchallenged by anyone. When asked if someone intervened in the homophobic incidents they witnessed, 43 percent of Connecticut students said "never," while 43 percent of New York students said "rarely" or "never." Surprisingly, in the incidents where intervention took place, it was more often students than adults taking action. In the incidents where intervention took place, over half (56 percent) in New York were student initiated, the same percentage as in Connecticut. Of course, given that most commentary took place in student-owned spaces, like bath or locker rooms and hallways, it's not entirely unexpected that most interventions would be student-led, but the news that students are the leaders leaves one with mixed emotions: excitement that a new generation is challenging anti-gay bias, and apprehension when I wonder about the relative paucity of adult leadership. Who's teaching whom, exactly?
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What's a School to Do?
Given the prevalence of homophobia in our schools and its obviously negative impact on student learning and development, many educators are eager to act. But offering a recipe for success is not easy: the issues faced by a Northeastern day school that draws "faculty brats" from the nearby Ivy League universities are as different from those of, say, a Southern Episcopalian all-girls boarding school as is night from day. Beyond some basic steps outlined in the "What Stage" sidebar on p. 58, each school will have to find an approach that takes into account its unique history, circumstances, and clientele. But regardless of where your school is, you should keep in mind the following truisms.
1. It's about identity.
Too often those concerned about addressing LGBT issues in schools say "But I don't want people talking with my child/my students about what they do in bed." This is missing the basic point, which is that sexual identity and sexual behavior are related but distinct. On some level we know this already -- after all, non-LGBT people have been "out" for years, yet no one tells them to take their wedding rings off because they shouldn't "talk about what they do in bed." Any adult who comes into class and says, "Let me talk about what I did in bed last night with X," needs to be rebuked, if not fired. But, that's not a gay/straight thing -- it's a question of appropriate professional conduct. To say that a person who self-identifies as LGBT is "talking about what they do in bed" or "flaunting it" is simply wrong. That person is just being honest instead of being a dissembler or a liar. Given the emphasis on truth-telling in independent schools (think of all those discipline committee meetings!), we risk accusation of hypocrisy if we seem to say that, yes, it's important to tell the truth -- but only some of the time.
2. It's about respect.
Often, people are resistant to addressing LGBT issues because they perceive doing so as contrary to their religious or political beliefs. We need to help people who feel this way understand what we're talking about. No one is asking for their "approval" of homosexuality. We have come to understand that we can prohibit discrimination based on religion and foster respect for different religious heritages without asking people to compromise their own beliefs. We've come to understand that fostering respect for cultures other than one's own doesn't mean that we have to surrender our own traditions. We need to help people understand that we can disagree strongly on issues, yet still respect one another's rights to live our own lives as we see fit. If we can begin teaching that lesson by fostering mutual respect around an issue as volatile as sexual orientation, our schools can make a great contribution to the maintenance of democratic values and civil discourse in an area when both seem to be dwindling rapidly.
3. We're all in this together.
Too many schools fail to develop a comprehensive game plan that brings the entire community along. Without such a plan, school communities end up divided and factionalized. Independent schools must please many masters -- students, staff, parents, trustees, and alumnae/i being the most prominent -- and each needs
to be involved in the change process. These steps can be simple, such as having a Parents Night seminar on the issue with representatives from the local chapter of PFLAG, the Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (see sidebar for contact information), or having LGBT alumnae/i address their experiences at your school through a panel discussion at a reunion or in an article in the school magazine. But the key thing is that all constituencies need involvement and education. Schools ignore any of them at their peril.
4. There's safety in numbers.
My GLSEN co-founder, Kathy Henderson, used to always warn me about the dangers she and I faced as the "only ducks on the pond" in an era when few schools were addressing this issue. In fact, one of the most disillusioning experiences of my ten years in independent schools was when I learned that admission officers at a rival school to Concord Academy were actively spreading rumors that we had become "the gay school" in a vain attempt to increase their own admission yield vis-a-vis ours. Fortunately, no independent school has to be the only duck on the pond anymore. Stage One schools can cite policies and programs that have been successfully implemented at other NAIS member schools to alleviate fears that their schools are venturing into uncharted waters. Schools can also co-sponsor programs with neighboring independent schools to help avoid the divide-and-conquer tendency that can arise if one school decides to take a leadership role in the community.
I must admit to some equivocation in delivering this advice, however. In my ten years of working on this issue in the independent school world, I've detected a disturbing "herd mentality." For all their vaunted "independence" I sometimes find independent schools to be disturbingly cautious about showing initiative, unless they can find an identical Midwestern 7-12 local day school in a city of 250,000-500,000 people with an enrollment of 300 or fewer people that has done exactly the same thing as they are planning to do, and experienced no conflict, distress, or discomfort in the process. Even then, I have found times when a school in, say, Minneapolis will say that their community is so different from, say, St. Paul that they could never, ever do what the school in St. Paul did. Often, this "we're so unique" rationalization is merely a mask for a deeper unwillingness to address the issue at all. But despite my misgivings, I do see the value in citing precedents and working cooperatively with similar schools, and commend them as strategies that can make the process of change smoother so that schools do not feel alone, isolated, or at-risk in undertaking this work.
5. Silence is not a good thing.
Often we believe that because we aren't hearing about a problem, things must be OK. Nothing could be further from the truth. Given the statistical impossibility of there being an independent school community with no LGBT members as well as the pervasiveness of anti-gay bias even in the "good" stage two schools, it's highly unlikely that there is a school out there with no need to take further action on anti-gay bias. Don't confuse silence (or even relative silence) with contentment, or the absence of visible conflict with peace. If you're not hearing or talking about anti-gay bias, it's probably because LGBT people in your community are so terrified or alienated that they see no value in speaking up. Don't let "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" become your school's de facto policy. If people aren't telling you what they need, I encourage you to ask.
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Conclusion: Change is a Process, Not an Event
Looking back over the past ten years, I am heartened by the enormous progress many independent schools have made in creating environments that are respectful and inclusive of LGBT people and families. I'm also aware of how much work remains to be done before we can say we have finished. One of the most distressing comments I hear from independent schools calling us for support runs like this: "Last year we 'did' racism/ sexism/fill-in-the-blank, and this year we want to 'do' homophobia." The fact is, change requires sustained effort and consistent leadership, and you can't "do" that on any issue in one, two, or even ten years.
Going forward, independent schools -- at whatever stage they find themselves -- need to make a commitment to a process of change that will take time and will not always be comfortable for everyone at every moment. But the reality is that schools have not been "comfortable" for LGBT people for a long time, and the results have been deadly. If we are to ever create schools where all people are truly at home and equally able to access the incredible opportunities the independent school world has to offer, we'll need to work hard and be creative. I've seen enough over the last ten years to know that we can achieve our mutual goal of schools that work for all of our students. I only hope that unlike the man who launched me on this journey, Christopher Dunston, who died of AIDS several years ago, I'll be here to celebrate our common victory when that day comes.
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Five Things No School Should Be Without
If your budget's limited, make sure you have at least the following five resources, available through the GLSEN Bookstore (212-627-7707 or online at www.GLSEN.org)
1. Breaking the Silence: A Resource Guide for Independent Schools (publication). Written by Bob Riddle of the Crossroads School (California), Breaking the Silence is a comprehensive guide for teachers and administrators who want to create a safe and nurturing climate in their school communities. Available free via the GLSEN website at www.GLSEN.org
2. Out of the Past (film). Winner of the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival, Out of the Past profiles figures from nearly 400 years of American history and follows one young woman making history today through founding the first Gay-Straight Alliance in the state of Utah. The first documentary on lesbian and gay history made for viewers of all ages, the film has won high praise from filmmakers, educators, and general audiences across the country and around the world.
3. Teaching Respect for All (film). Kevin Jennings, executive director of GLSEN, presents a comprehensive training video dealing with anti-gay bias in schools. Ideal for use in faculty and parent meetings.
4. The Shared Heart: Portraits and Stories Celebrating Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Young People (book). A celebration of over thirty diverse young people facing the challenges of growing up LGBT and living empowered lives. Includes photos and personal narratives. Also available as a traveling exhibition.
5. It's Elementary (film). A film by Academy Award winner Debra Chasnoff and Helen Cohen, it has inspiring footage shot in schools across the country showing real examples of school activities, faculty meetings, and classroom discussions of LGBT issues. Ideal for elementary school teachers looking for age-appropriate ways to address LGBT issues with their students.
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At What Stage Is Your School?
While not fool-proof, the below checklist should help you ascertain where your school falls in the Stage one/Stage two schema.
1. Our school has "sexual orientation" in its non-discrimination policy.
