Carrying the GLSEN Message in Decatur, Alabama

by Eliza Byard, PhD, GLSEN Executive Director

Yesterday I traveled to Decatur, Alabama, with Sirdeaner Walker and her sister Barbara. Sirdeaner addressed the 8th Annual Morgan County Child Safety Conference, urging the assembled crowd to take bullying – including anti-LGBT bullying – seriously as part of their safety agenda in Morgan County, and to support the Safe Schools Improvement Act as a step towards promoting that same safety agenda in schools across the country.

As she has many times now, Sirdeaner told the story of her son Carl's suicide and her subsequent work with GLSEN and in the media as part of her on-going effort to promote effective responses to the crisis of bullying. The organizers of the conference in Decatur were initially nervous about how their audience would respond to Sirdeaner's remarks, worried that she might focus "too much" on LGBT issues or that the mention of GLSEN would cause consternation among people who have only heard negative things about us.

In the end, I'm not sure how the organizers felt, but Sirdeaner spoke the truth of her family's story so powerfully and directly. She did not shy away from any aspect of her message as she called for a proactive and compassionate response to bullying, speaking out against the criminalization of bullying behaviors; spoke about the strength she draws from her faith, and how that faith led her to her work with GLSEN; and asked the audience to work together to create school environments that foster respect for difference, in order to prepare young people for life in our diverse society. Members of the audience lined up to speak with her afterwards, telling their own families' stories, thanking her for her honest and powerful reflections, and pledging to mobilize their networks on behalf of the Safe Schools Improvement Act.

Time will tell what actions the assembled Morgan County crowd will take locally and beyond to improve school climate. But what an amazing milestone in a journey that began just over a year ago, as the Walker family was in mourning and students across the country were mobilizing for the Day of Silence. By horrendous coincidence, last year's event was to be held on what would have been Carl's twelfth birthday, less than two weeks after his passing. Students had recognized this fact, and had begun planning events in Carl's memory as part of their Day of Silence.

On this day last year, just a couple of days before the Day of Silence, I was placing a panicked call to Sirdeaner, whom I only knew from a couple of phone calls. I had heard from students in her hometown that "the family" did not want Carl's story told in conjunction with the Day of Silence because of the connection to LGBT issues. Student commemorations were in the works across the country, but if the family were opposed to them, I pledged to do whatever we could to stem the tide.

Sirdeaner reassured me instantly. There had been no mistake, she wanted Carl's story told on the Day of Silence, and she wanted people to know how homophobic and sexist language had played a role in her son's despair, and his school's inaction. "This has got to stop," she told me simply, "And that starts with these events on Friday."

The Day of Silence is fast approaching once again, and Sirdeaner and her family are living through their first terrible anniversaries. Yesterday, Sirdeaner would not be silenced as she told her story in all its relevant details. Speaking from the front of the Decatur Baptist Church, she began her remarks with a simple request. "I am not a professional speaker," she said, "I am a mom speaking from my heart, and I hope you will open your hearts to my story and to Carl's." By the end of her talk, it was clear that some members of the audience had done so.

This Friday, students across the country will commemorate another Day of Silence in thousands of schools across the country. The work is not over, but there is new momentum. Sirdeaner will continue her outreach and advocacy. She has become a brave and dedicated advocate to end bullying of all kinds, and her continuing work with new audiences is reaching hearts that are sometimes more open than we realize.